Alone Together
by Aylatha
Summary: One-shot. Sesshomaru is not happy with his beast's choice and refuses to mate the human. However, his beast compels him to be near her, and he has to keep her close in order to appease it. It is said that you only understand the value of something once you've lost it. Will Sesshomaru realise his mistake ere it's too late, or will his pride rob them both of any chance at happiness?


**A/N: This one-shot is set during InuYasha's time, some time after Rin's second death, but other than that, it has no fixed place on the timeline. Having Rin around has softened Sesshomaru somewhat, but he's still pretty much a human-hating prick.**

**WARNING: This ficlet is somewhat dark, and a little tragic, but not overly so. Still, read at your own risk.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own InuYasha, which is fine, I'd much rather own Sesshomaru ;)**

* * *

><p>Resisting the urge to sigh, Sesshomaru rested his elbow on his knee. She had been gone for a while, but then again, this wasn't unusual – she liked to keep clean, and tended to get upset if she didn't get an opportunity to wash herself at least every two days. He didn't like it when she was upset (though he'd never tell her), and besides, he preferred it when she smelled clean. She still had some of the soap the miko had given her left, and Sesshomaru rather liked the aroma.<p>

The human depended on him for food and protection, but other than that, she barely made her presence known. She had quickly picked up on the fact that he wasn't a man of many words, and never voluntarily addressed him at all. After finding out he could sense her emotions, she used them to let him know if she wanted or needed something, or if she was displeased. That she did frequently, and he had sometimes suspected she was trying to irritate him. And sometimes, it even worked, though he was so good at hiding it, she never knew. His apparent lack of emotion frustrated her greatly.

His beast chose that moment to rear its figurative head and whine. It started whining whenever it was displeased with Sesshomaru's treatment of the human, or his lack of interaction with her, so it had a lot to whine about. Right now, it supplied him with images of how nice it would be to join her at the river, to assist her with the cleaning process. She would be thankful. She might even smile at them. Look at them with kind eyes. His beast longed for that, but Sesshomaru ruthlessly squashed such notions. The creature now dragged up images from that night in the cave, during the storm. They had been soaked upon their arrival and Sesshomaru had ordered her to remove her clothing and warmed her body with his own. Nothing more than that had happened, and she had been highly uncomfortable with the whole thing, but his beast wouldn't let him forget how nice it had been to hold her to his chest like that.

But Sesshomaru wouldn't give in to his base desires. She was human, and therefore unworthy. He had told her so, too. His beast wouldn't allow him to leave her for any extended periods of time, but that creature's obsession with her didn't mean he would mate with her. No, she would spend the rest of her ridiculously short human existence tagging along after him, like a stray cat that had decided to follow him, one he couldn't get rid of.

Though it hadn't been _her_ decision.

Sometimes, even a Sesshomaru felt the need to speak, mostly so because the human didn't understand his body language and the sounds he would make well enough to be able to interpret them correctly. During such short (and necessary) talks, he had caught a glimmer of what was hiding inside that head of hers. Apparently, she was intelligent, and well-educated – she would sometimes speak of things he hadn't ever heard of. Also, despite her simple clothing, she didn't look like someone who had grown up in a village among crops and cattle. Her skin was pale and smooth, and her hands soft – she could not have spent her life working, or travelling. Also, when he had ordered her to start a fire on the first night, she had bluntly told him she didn't know how to do that. The miko, she had said, was in charge of that, and she had special items that made it easier. Using flint stones wasn't something she had been taught to do.

Since Sesshomaru only had one arm, he was unable to start a fire himself – he didn't need one, either, but the human would be cold without it. So he had then proceeded to explain the use of flint stones to her. She had grasped the concept quickly enough, and by now, she would start looking for wood without being told and start a fire whenever they made camp.

Well, at the very least she was trying not to be a complete waste of space.

Sesshomaru had already caught her dinner, a small rabbit. He had at first hunted bigger prey, but she had never eaten much. Since he himself didn't need food as much as humans did, the rest would go to waste (or be eaten by scavengers). She was not impressed by big kills, either. To her, it was just meat, no matter how big or tough the animal might have been.

Sesshomaru always made sure there were no threats around whenever he let her out of his sight, and to scare off anything that might have been a threat to her with a powerful burst of youki. She had gotten used to such displays by now, and didn't even bat an eyelid. Her lack of awe at his level of power stung somewhat.

Sesshomaru was just pondering the unfairness of life in general and his unhappy fate in particular when the wind suddenly changed, blowing now from the direction of the river – carrying with it the scent of blood. Her blood.

Sesshomaru leapt to his feet the instant he had come to that realisation, and tore through the forest at inhuman speed. His beast was howling with rage and anger – someone had dared to attack what was theirs. As he closed in on the location the scent emanated from, he swore to kill her assailant. Slowly. And in the most painful way imaginable.

He emerged from the forest and came to an abrupt stop, taking in the scene before him. She was lying on the ground, her brown-golden hair fanned around her head like a halo and her left arm dangling in the cold water, a thin rivulet of red liquid, barely discernible, mixing with the water. She had removed her haori, but was otherwise still clothed – she had definitely not been doing any bathing, nor did it appear it had ever been on her agenda for tonight. Her right hand lay next to her head, this wrist, too, had been cut, and the weapon was not hard to spot – a pebble that had been sharpened, like a knife. And then there was the bottle she had acquired at a village a little while ago – pain medication. The miko who had sold it to her had warned her not to take too much of it at once, as it might harm her. The bottle was empty, and her blood smelled strongly of the potion. Apart from that, no other scents were lingering – no sign that anyone had been here but her.

Sesshomaru's heart skipped a beat before resuming to beat at twice the former pace as he realised what that implied. She had sharpened the pebble and drugged herself so she wouldn't feel pain before cutting her arteries... she had attempted to kill herself.

His beast howled in pain and grief as it became aware of the fact, and Sesshomaru was shocked – not something he experienced often.

_Does she detest us so much she would rather be dead than with us?_

Her eyes were open, and she was staring at nothing. Her heartbeat was slow, but she was still alive – her body was fighting to stay that way. Snapping out of his trance, Sesshomaru rushed to her side and dropped to his knees next to her. She blinked before focusing her blue eyes on him.

They stared at each other wordlessly for a few moments, then she licked her lips before attempting to speak.

"You're here..."

Sesshomaru didn't really know what to say to that. She had obviously been planning this, maybe for a while now. And she'd been rather good at hiding her intentions, he had never suspected anything. He had known she was unhappy, yes, but nothing had ever hinted at the fact that she might be suicidal. Granted, he didn't know that much about her, but he had never caught such a vibe coming from her. And now, she was dying.

She completely took him by surprise when she lifted her bloodied hand to cup his cheek, her eyes softening somewhat.

"It is almost over... I've done it. I've rid you of that bothersome, annoying human... now, maybe... maybe you, at least, will be able to find happiness..."

She smiled as she spoke those words, a genuine, caring smile. It broke his icy, cold heart – the heart he had, for so long, believed to be incapable of caring – of loving.

Her eyelids drooped and fluttered shut, her hand falling back towards the ground and coming to rest on her stomach, her blood staining the white fabric of her gi red. Her breathing evened out, it was as if she was falling asleep...

"Lillia!", he called, not even trying to hide the desperation in his voice. "Lillia!"

She didn't respond in any way.

This was the first time he had ever referred to her by her name – he had never asked for it, either, he only knew what she was called because her former travelling companions had addressed her as such. He had always called her "woman" or "human", even in his mind, fearing he might develop some sort of attachment by using her name. But apparently, this "precaution" hadn't been enough.

He wasn't sure if it was because of the blood loss, or the potion, but she was slipping away, and it was all his fault. He realised with sudden clarity that he had brought this upon himself – upon them. He had forced her down a path that had led her to the decision to end her own life – because that was the only way she could be free of him, and he of her. It was all his fault, and he so wished at this moment that he could turn back time, or undo everything he had done concerning her.

He was faced with two options right now: save her life and face her anger while attempting to gain her forgiveness, or let her die so she could have the freedom she desired, condemning himself to a life in bitterness and torture – for his beast was already giving him a taste of the madness that would ensue once she was truly dead.

Should he be selfish? _Could_ he be selfish? He had always done as he pleased, but he had never been in a situation like this. And, even if he decided to keep her around, she might just try to kill herself again. Tenseiga would only work once on her, so he would be unable to let her out of his sight ever again...

What should he do? Which one was the right choice? He would have to decide soon, he knew that. But no matter what he decided, the consequences would be drastic. He had never felt so utterly helpless in his entire life...

* * *

><p><strong>AN: My first one-shot! What do you think? If you would like to know more, I could turn it into a complete chapter-story. As you might have noticed, this is a different Lillia/Sesshomaru-setting that has nothing to do with The Flower of the West. However, I would try to finish my other two InuYasha-stories first before working on this one.  
><strong>

**In case someone's confused: a gi ("g" as in "gift") is a short-sleeved top, usually made from a white fabric, that can be worn underneath the haori. There is also a thing called an under-gi, it's made from a lighter fabric and has no fastenings to tie it. In this story, Lillia wears black hakama and haori along with the white gi most of the time. She also carries bow and arrows.**


End file.
